No one likes pain. But like it or not, it?s one of life?s greatest teachers. How you handle pain determines how much you grow from it?or how long you stay stuck in it.
That?s the heart of John Maxwell?s Law of Pain: Good management of bad experiences leads to great growth.
When Life Hits
Pain and I go way back. I used to treat it like an enemy?something to dodge, deny, or bury under busyness. But I learned the hard way that pain isn?t the problem. Running from it is.
Back in 7 Life Lessons from the Trailer Park, I put it bluntly: pain?s not your enemy. It?s the alarm going off, telling you something has to change.
When life hit, my first instinct was to duck and cover. I wanted comfort, not confrontation. But growth doesn?t live in comfort. Growth lives in the moments that stretch you, test you, and make you decide who you really are.
Pain Doesn?t Ask Permission
Here?s what I know for sure: pain shows up uninvited. You don?t get to schedule it. You don?t get to avoid it. But you do get to decide what you?ll do with it.
Some people let pain define them. Others let it refine them. The difference isn?t in what happens?it?s in how you respond.
The Marines drilled that lesson into me. Every day, I pushed my limits?physically, mentally, and emotionally. It hurt. But it also built something: grit, confidence, endurance. You learn that pain has purpose when you stop fighting it and start listening to what it?s trying to teach.
Turning Pain into Growth
So how do you manage pain instead of letting it manage you? Here?s what?s worked for me?and for anyone serious about growth:
- Name it. Don?t hide behind ?I?m fine.? Call it what it is?loss, rejection, failure, fear. Naming it gives you power over it.
- Ask what it?s teaching you. Every painful experience carries a lesson. What can you learn that comfort would never show you?
- Adjust, don?t quit. Pain might signal that your method is wrong?but not your mission. Change the plan, not the purpose.
- Use it to build empathy. Pain connects us. When you?ve walked through something hard, you lead with more compassion?and more credibility.
Pain managed well becomes fuel. Pain ignored becomes poison.
My Turning Point
There was a stretch of time when I thought life was just unfair?heart attack, family illness, setbacks, disappointment. But pain gave me perspective. It forced me to slow down, reevaluate, and refocus.
And then, in February, life hit harder than I ever thought possible. My son?s passing shattered me in ways words can?t capture. That kind of pain doesn?t fade?it changes you.
But even there, growth found me. It didn?t come fast, and it didn?t come easy. It came through reflection, through gratitude for the years we had, and through a renewed sense of purpose. Pain didn?t erase my faith?it deepened it. It reminded me that every day we wake up is another chance to make meaning out of what we?ve been given.
Pain doesn?t just make you tougher; it makes you wiser. It strips away what doesn?t matter so you can see what does.
Make It Count
Nobody escapes pain, but not everyone grows from it. You can?t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you use it.
So when life hits?and it will?don?t just take the hit. Learn from it. Let it sharpen you, not shatter you.
Because pain is the toughest teacher in the room, but if you listen, it?ll turn your scars into strength.
???
? Next week: Law #9 ? The Law of the Ladder: Character Growth Determines the Height of Your Personal Growth.